The Self You Want To Be

I was talking to a friend not too long ago and he told me about a conversation he had with his young daughter. She asked his advice about the man she was seeing.

“Dad, how did you know Mom was the one?”

“That’s easy, Sharon. There is a test you can take.”

“A test? Dad, I never heard about a test. What kind of test?”

“Well, it goes like this…If you are more the person you want to be when they are with you than you are without them, that is true love.”

“What do you mean? I don’t understand.”

“OK, let me see if I can explain it better. When you are with the, you are more who you want to be then you are alone. If that person is not in your life, do you feel less like yourself or more like yourself?”

“Hmmm, I feel more alive, more awakened to others around me. I am happier, more confident. Yeah, I feel more like the person I want to be.”

“Now, picture yourself without him. Do you still feel alive, happy, and confident?”

“No, I feel empty, like I’m just going through motions.”

“Then you guys have passed the test. It won’t always feel that way. You will have to work at it. But you can survive life’s storms if you do it together.”

“I love you, Dad. Thank you.”

“Thank you, honey. I love you too. You’re Mom and I are very proud of you. Now, I need to go tell her how much I love her; gotta keep the love alive ya know…”


I thanked Lewis for sharing the story with me. It was a tender moment shared between a father and daughter. However, it has universal implications. If each one of us asked ourselves these questions before we went down the aisle, we would all be better off.

Don’t settle. Don’t jump in because you are afraid of being alone. Learn who you are and who you want to be.

Then ask yourself:

When do you feel more like yourself? The self you want to be?