Book Excerpt

I was so angry, my whole life, Elon, my WHOLE LIFE.
I yelled, I screamed, you, you have seen me like that. The venom in my tone, my voice. I spewed it on to people. I could cut them down with one sentence and they knew it. Everyone knew it, wondered when I would do it again, because the in between times, I was easy going, fun loving, seemed happy.
Then a few months ago, BAM it was all gone. All the anger, the venom, it left, like it was never even there. Remember how for weeks I didn't even say a cuss word? I even cringed when people cussed around me.
Remember? You were so gentle to me, treating me like an angel, so fragile. You made sweet love to me, always looking me in the eye, always so much love. Always tender and I needed it.

Then one night you were in the basement drinking and you were upset and we chatted about it. That's when you added the Vixen to my name. Remember? That's when I started finding a balance between always and never. I can get mad, as you saw on Friday, but look at the difference in how I was before and how I was Friday.

Remember when I slammed your door so hard the thing fell off the wall? I was so angry at you. I was so angry because I hurt and I wanted you to hurt I wanted you to feel what I felt. I was not able to just say hey, you hurt me. I wanted you to feel that hurt, not just hear me say it. NOW, NOW, I tell you, NOW, I don't want you to feel hurt. I don't want you to feel pain. I would do anything to save you from pain.

Remember Friday, I didn't yell at you, I didn't scream, I didn't slam doors. But you knew I was mad (notice I said mad, NOT angry) and I was able to convey to you what I felt without having to hurt you in the process. THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE.

My life was transformed at a moment in time, over the last few months. I didn't realize it until the last month, which is when I started telling you about it, same as when you started telling me about thinking of me all the time.

I began a life of love, transforming me into someone that can grow, can love and be loved. Can trust, can be honest, can be an Angel and a Vixen at the same time. Someone that feels good about themselves, someone that learns from life's lessons.

"Life's a Dance, you learn as you go. Sometimes you lead sometimes you follow. Don't worry about what you don't know. Life's a Dance you learn as you go."
Life's a Dance- John Michael Montgomery

Elon, until I met you, I could not dance. I could not trust someone to let them lead, I always had to lead, so I quit dancing, I quit trying. With you, I have found that I don't always have to lead and sometimes it's better to follow.